I need a sign

For the last couple of months I have felt turmoil in my life. I know things aren't that bad I have a job, I graduated from college, and I made it to thirty (woohoo). It's just that I have no idea what to do with my life. Shouldn't I feel more complete now that I am done with school? Instead I feel like I'm walking around like a lost puppy. I know for some this doesn't seem like a big deal since I don't have anything that requires me to do certain things. In a way I am like a free bird (okay what's with comparing my life to all these animals??? I think I've been around the kiddos at school for to long).

The thing is I don't know what I want: I don't know if I want to be a teacher. Don't get me wrong, I love working with the kids and getting to know them and figuring how to make them the best that they can be. I just do not know if I want to deal with the burocracy of the system. Maybe I am just frustrated that I haven't passed one of the tests, I am not sure. I would love to work in a classroom with a teacher. But to be honest (and I mean no offence with this) there is no way I'm going to work for $12 or $14 bucks per hour. Maybe if it wasn't just me relying on my income I would feel differently. Also, some schools I have visited these people are looked down upon. Sure they might not have the same qualifications as a teacher but they are there with the same goal and heart in mind (lets hope) and that is to help these kiddos grow and develop the best of THEIR ability.

Another thing I have been thinking about is buying my own house. I would have to start working a lot more. Do I want that. I actually (as weird and crazy as it seems for a 30 year old) like living at my parents house with my sister. I have my own space, I hardly have to do a thing, and I get to do what I want and all without having to pay a dime. I guess this makes me a freeloader. I spent my teens and early twenties running away from my parents and now they can't seem to get rid of me. However, with the housing market pretty much going back in time (one thing I had always regretted was not buying a house before the housing boom - even though I went looking with my parents) and now with these prices being at an all time low I should really get my feet in and jump into home ownership.

Lately I keep thinking about jobs that deal with accounting. Of course my education degree is not going to be sufficient enough although I wonder if my job would help me since I have a "little" bit of experience. Of course I could take classes at the community college and see what I think of them. I looked it up thought and it would take me about two-three years to get an accounting degree. I don't know if I want to invest that kind of energy.

Maybe I need to focus on family life. I started telling myself within the last year or so that I would adopt if I am not married with kids at the age of 38. I wouldn't want to adopt a baby. I don't believe that a kid needs to be biologically mine for me to give them a home, love, and help them grow. I use to watch Babystory and Adoption Stories on TLC. Adoptions Stories always made me tear eyed while Babystory never did. I always have wondered if that's a sign.

Of course I have also thought about buying a horse, planting a garden, foster caring for a great dane, and moving to another state or even into dad's empty ugly house on the other side of town within the last month.

Don't get me wrong I have been doing lots of fun things with all of my new found freedoms. I just don't know what to focus on, what path to take, or what I want to do with my life. :-

Training

When I was at the Personal Trainers for a makeup day on Friday she decided to measure me when my groups session was over.

I was nervous I have been eating better than I was before I started(but not as good as I should). The whole no wine and one cheat meal a week is not really something I believe in.... ;-)

I didn't want to hear what she was going to say, esp. since my weight hasn't changed too much.

To my shock I have lost inches in my chest, upper and lower waist, and things. WOOOHOOO
The only part that had no change was in my arms.

And the best part... she told me I'm doing great with my diet and to keep it up. ;-)

I have about 4 weeks left until I'm done with my contract. I really need to focus on eating right and getting to the gym more. There will probably not be many other times in my life where I have so little responsibility along with a lot of free time, so I need to take an advantage of it.

Pretty skin

I FINALLY decided to try Bare Minerals. I have been curious about Bare Minerals for awhile but it seemed pricey for the kit with those itty bitty bottles. However when the lady at Ulta told me I could return them I was SOLD. As soon as i got home i tried it on and I LOVED the way it made me look and feel. I still think it's great but I wish i felt that way i did every time as i did that first time.

I signed a contract for the personal trainer for 3 months. Now when I did this I was working a lot of hours. Now that I am working 10 hours a week at my old job and occasionally subbing I don't really have the money to extend my contract once I am done. I don't really know what I want to do. I want to lose weight so I look cute in my brides maids dress for Heathers wedding in Sept. I don't really want to work more hours to go to personal training plus it's not very fun going 3 nights out of the work week. I do have 6 weeks to figure out what to do.

Watching some TV

Last week, I was sick and spent a few days in bed. One morning as I was flipping the channels one show had some fancy dogs on it. You can't see it but there is a very fluffy white dog on the screen. I love Deuce's interest to watching TV. Was there love in the air? I thought it was too cute to not capture so I got my cell phone and got this shot.

Give me 4 sets of 15

I don't even know where to start. So much has been going on...I've done some very cool things but have had some not so good things happen these past few weeks.

Sometimes I think this one is a positive and then other times I feel like what the heck was i thinking...
I started working with a personal trainer. I go three times a week to her studio. I don't think I have ever ran so much at one time in my life. My first session she took pictures of me. With my skin showing. Not sure if I will be showing anyone those once I get some "after" pictures to go with the "before" pictures. I can get embarrased easily so I don't know if i will actaully show anyone, unless I've had a few drinks and then whatever...who cares.

Bummed

I am "kinda" bummed. I finally got the test result back from the second test that I took on Sept. 20th (results come in 4 weeks but there was a big hold up with my groups test results). Today they finally posted the results. If you did not already figure it out I did NOT pass.
The cutoff score was 240 and I got a 238. So close. It's my own fault though I didn't start studying to the night before AND I rushed through the essays. I know if I had taken the time to write correctly and put more thought and effort into the answers I would have gotten enough points to pass (if you have been reading my blog you have probably notice that I am not a good writer and have horrible grammar - although I must give myself some props 10 years ago it was atrocious and I know "some" of the rules these days).

I already had signed up to take the next test anyhow. I guess it's nice to know that
a. the $100 fee isn't going to waste
b. I am really close to passing. I think I'd be uber stressed out if I needed to bring it up 40 points.

Now I have to get a substitute certificate that cost $60 to have for the next 6 weeks for my perm sub job at the Elem. school I'm at in Chandler.

I take the test in a few weeks AND if all goes well I'll have a passing score in February....

Oops

For my birthday last month two great friends got me a treatment for the Dolce Salon and Spa. I was totally surprised and amazed. I went online and was checking out the website tonight. I clicked on offers... and for singing up I got to print out a $25 coupon. I am so excited! I cannot wait to go. I am going to wait a little while until I'm in need of lots of TLC.

I just got some great TLC when Michelle was in town and we went to Agave at the Kierland Resort and Spa. The treatments where amazing. Although my bank account is still mad at me. ;-)

My sister has been wonderful this weekend and helped me wash all of my clothes. I always feel like I never have clothes to wear. But apparently I just never had many "clean" clothes. I'd do my normal dark load and light load and just wear that stuff.

I have WAY to many clothes. I need to stop shopping and learn how to do more laundry. I might be getting a house next fall so I will need to learn fast, very fast. I am envious of people who can do so much on a small budget. I spend twice if not three times more and have nothing to show. It's pretty depressing when I think about it. I know all of the concepts but cannot seem to apply them. Of course I probably should have saved this last part for a different blog and not one that talked about going to the expensive spa for the posh treatments. ::shrug::

Okay, 2009 I will become more mature. But I think that is kinda of like saying I'm not going to age (since we kinda of mature as we age). Still it's something obtainable to work towards.