I feel sad. But, I’ll hold my head up high and just blog about it instead. Usually this sort of thing is not something that I would talk about. I’ve been working on expressing myself this year.
I just got off the phone with the guy from Austin. He doesn’t wish to proceed with a relationship. He told me that he didn’t think that I had very much fun, I was too quiet, I wasn’t expressive, hard to read, and that I wasn’t really into him.
I actually had a lot of fun. Yes, I was quiet but I always am when I am on vacation because there are all these new things, places, people, and environment.
I felt comfortable and thought it was a good start to a relationship. I guess I was the only one who felt that way. I want to build a strong foundation where we both know each other very well and totally get each other. It was great being in Austin and trying to get to know this great man and learning as much as I could about his life, things he likes, his mannerisms, habits, helping him anyway I can, etc.
I really think that each guy that comes into our lives teaches us something. What did I learn from my Austin guy? I think I learned lots of things. The most valuable would be that it’s okay to put myself out there. In fact I should do it a lot more. I am young and need to get out there and date. He taught me that I am really a special girl and I need to remember that I’m unique. I learned how good it feels to do something for someone else that the relationship isn’t just about me. And how, important it is too find someone that wants the same things as you. AND how much fun it is to talk on the phone with a guy. I think that’s what I am going to miss the most is just our talks and just having that gentle sole to talk to when your having a rough day.
In the grand scheme of things I should not be sad. I have grown as a person and learned some important and valuable skills.
Instinctively my heart wants to close back up and hide again. But, I am going to take what I learned from my wonderful Austin guy and get back out there and try it again. Really try not just text someone back and forth. So, I’ll hold my head high and keep on looking. I know the guy that truly understands me and gets me is out there and he is sure a lucky guy and I’ll be a lucky girl.
Damit I really liked this one and was really hopping to be done with the whole dating thing. He was funny, interesting, smart, educated, kind, thoughtful, and so much more!!! I tried to do everything right. :-(
2 comments:
Not to use a tired cliche but people often come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Often they have something to teach us or help us discover about ourselves or knowledge to impart. They often leave without explanation or reason and sometimes it does not make a lot of sense. You are left feeling bereft and wonder how to pick yourself back up again and continue on. Your friend did give you an explanation. One that I wholeheartedly disagree with, as a person that knows you well. The circumstances under which you met were not exactly the norm. In that you knew each other pretty intimately over the phone but meeting in the flesh takes on a whole other dynamic. The physical is a tricky thing to navigate. You are feeling shy, and trepidatious as you enter this unknown experience. Some people it takes them a while to open up and be expressive when they are just getting to know someone. It is not necessarily the hallmark of not being into that person or withholding affection from them. You simply are trying your very best to get to know them in person as you did so previously through correspondance and over the phone. I am going to use another tired cliche here and say that it is very much his loss. We all know what an amazing individual you are and there will be a man that comes along that not only recognizes this fact but will not let you slip so easily from his grasp. Your friend in particular was too quick to let you go and to not give you the benefit of the doubt. Some people are just naturally shy and uncomfortable when it comes to showing emotion and vulnerability in new situations. I for one commend you for taking the great leap of faith by putting yourself out there and letting yourself fall for someone. The biggest challenge you face now is to move forward and not to receed to that inner sanctuary. To continue to put yourself out there and be open to the infinite possibilities. In life, we can do nothing but gain from our collective experiences whether they be happy or hurtful. I think you are brave and I still sense hope in you. You have overcome what of the greatest challenges in that when you lose you did not lose the lesson. So continue on as I know you will, with grace and beauty, because the best is yet to come. Love you sister!!
Oh no! I'm sorry sweetie! I was almost asleep when I clicked on your blog and now I'm wide awake.
I'm so so glad that you are keeping your chin up and choosing to move forward. I'm sad...Austin is so close to me, lol.
On to happier news...I can't wait to see you. I will be in the east valley from the 11th until the 19th so I will call you so we can set up some time to hang out. I miss you!
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