For the last couple of months I have felt turmoil in my life. I know things aren't that bad I have a job, I graduated from college, and I made it to thirty (woohoo). It's just that I have no idea what to do with my life. Shouldn't I feel more complete now that I am done with school? Instead I feel like I'm walking around like a lost puppy. I know for some this doesn't seem like a big deal since I don't have anything that requires me to do certain things. In a way I am like a free bird (okay what's with comparing my life to all these animals??? I think I've been around the kiddos at school for to long).
The thing is I don't know what I want: I don't know if I want to be a teacher. Don't get me wrong, I love working with the kids and getting to know them and figuring how to make them the best that they can be. I just do not know if I want to deal with the burocracy of the system. Maybe I am just frustrated that I haven't passed one of the tests, I am not sure. I would love to work in a classroom with a teacher. But to be honest (and I mean no offence with this) there is no way I'm going to work for $12 or $14 bucks per hour. Maybe if it wasn't just me relying on my income I would feel differently. Also, some schools I have visited these people are looked down upon. Sure they might not have the same qualifications as a teacher but they are there with the same goal and heart in mind (lets hope) and that is to help these kiddos grow and develop the best of THEIR ability.
Another thing I have been thinking about is buying my own house. I would have to start working a lot more. Do I want that. I actually (as weird and crazy as it seems for a 30 year old) like living at my parents house with my sister. I have my own space, I hardly have to do a thing, and I get to do what I want and all without having to pay a dime. I guess this makes me a freeloader. I spent my teens and early twenties running away from my parents and now they can't seem to get rid of me. However, with the housing market pretty much going back in time (one thing I had always regretted was not buying a house before the housing boom - even though I went looking with my parents) and now with these prices being at an all time low I should really get my feet in and jump into home ownership.
Lately I keep thinking about jobs that deal with accounting. Of course my education degree is not going to be sufficient enough although I wonder if my job would help me since I have a "little" bit of experience. Of course I could take classes at the community college and see what I think of them. I looked it up thought and it would take me about two-three years to get an accounting degree. I don't know if I want to invest that kind of energy.
Maybe I need to focus on family life. I started telling myself within the last year or so that I would adopt if I am not married with kids at the age of 38. I wouldn't want to adopt a baby. I don't believe that a kid needs to be biologically mine for me to give them a home, love, and help them grow. I use to watch Babystory and Adoption Stories on TLC. Adoptions Stories always made me tear eyed while Babystory never did. I always have wondered if that's a sign.
Of course I have also thought about buying a horse, planting a garden, foster caring for a great dane, and moving to another state or even into dad's empty ugly house on the other side of town within the last month.
Don't get me wrong I have been doing lots of fun things with all of my new found freedoms. I just don't know what to focus on, what path to take, or what I want to do with my life. :-
2 comments:
OMG, seriously I feel the same way. I think it is human nature to never feel satisfied...to always strive for more. You need to keep in mind that you reached your goal! That is huge! You can re-test in a year, right? I think you will be a great teacher. I know it will suck to work for $12-$14 an hour, but what better time than now when you are still living with your parents. In a year, hopefully the economy will be looking up...and it not you working in a school will look so much better than not passing the test and not teaching.
Plus hun, if children are in your future...even if that is 8 years away...teaching is an ideal job. You get a career, but you also have 3 months at a time with your kids at home. Plus when they are school aged, you can bring your kids to whatever school you work at if you wanted.
You are so close! I think you should stick with it.
Your right, I need a goal!!! I don't really have any goals right now, esp. since i'm done with my big school one and grad school is SO not my thing right now to be my new one.
Okay new goal where are you??? Come out and tell me what you are. I need to know. I still work at my old job and probably still will for awhile. The money is good but... I don't enjoy it.one.bit!
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